Saturday

Bullying, some of my experiences, it's jumpy but I had to get it off my chest.

I don't know, I mean I walk around and I would spend $40 on a teapot because I liked the way it looked, or I think it would look nice on my dresser. People think that's weird, and a waste of money, but I appreciate nice things, and I could spend an easy couple of hours in a little nick nack store, or old jewlery store just looking, and thinking about the patterns and how one small thing can brighten up a room.
I went to the brunswick show today and everyone was buying show bags full of dora umbrellas and fairy wands and things that would be useless to me, so I wander around and browse at some of the stores that arnt so popular and I enjoy it, to just be on my own, taking my time looking at things.
It's funny how different everyone is, isn't it?

On that note, it's funny how different personalities are also, I mean, people werent born homophobic, people werent born nasty, or sad.
So it all comes down to their upbringing, surroundings and school life.

I know my school life wasn't that great, and it has effected me greatly, the bullying, being alone, it's all effected my life, and I know that sounds dramatic, but I'm being honest here. Years seven to ten were the worst, I just felt helpless and alone, and throughout year eight/nine I thought fuck it, if I'm going to feel this shit everyday of my life, I might as well take it out on someone else, and that's exactly what I did, I took my fustration and anger out on other people. I went from bullied to bully.

And can I just, from being on both ends of the stick, neither feels good.
High school was fucking hell for me, and that's the real reason why I dropped out, not because I wasn't interested in subjects, I was, I loved English and Maths, but I just got so fed up with being the school loser, and never being good enough, and being looked at weirdly, laughed at and stupid comments that just made you not want to exist, so I left. And people think I'm stupid for it, and somedays I say to myself' Simone, you let fucking close-minded, assholes drive you to the point where you are now, just grow a back bone and deal with it'
But it's not that easy, is it?
It's never that easy.

Even when you leave high school and the bullying stops, it still effects you throughout your whole life. The comments get stuck in your head for life.
People just don't understand the effects it has on people, death, self harm, mental health issues (eating disorders/depression etc)
Just a small comment like 'fucking ugly mut' can just be the last button that could drive them over the edge.
Take a deep breath, open your mind and think before you say something.
Walk away, count to ten, and treat people how you want to be treated.