Do you?

Do you ever sit on your bed alone, with your bottle of straight vodka, downing as much as you can to numb the pain.
Do you ever reach for the blade to feel something, to know some part of you is alive?
Do you ever look at yourself and think how on earth you got the the point you are at now?
You look at the four walls, you look at the blade, your vodka. You could end it all, but you don't, you choose not to, instead you get undressed, slice open your thigh and watch the blood run down onto your sheets and through to your mattress, you let one tear drop down onto your pillow, and another. You slice another part of your leg and soon you can't stop, the pain feels nice, the cloudiness from the alcohol, everything is okay for once, you forget everything. The mistakes you made, the friends you pushed away, how you are alone. You have nothing to live for anymore. Nothing. One right move could take you away.