I'm no good writer at all. My words go all over the place, nothing is in order therefore doesn't make any sense.
Kind of like my mind. My mind is all over the place lately. I want to do everything yet I feel like I can't. Something is holding me back. It's always something. My scars are stopping me from wearing certain things. My weight is stopping me from being confident. My face is stopping me from going out and enjoying myself.
It's always something. I'm not smart enough to have a decent job. I'm not funny enough to have a group of friends. I'm not interesting. I'm not anything at all.
Sometimes I want to end everything, but I know I never will. I'm weak.
Where am I going in life? Where will I be in five or ten years? It kills me to not know. I hate not knowing.
Sometimes I look around and someone is always better than me at something. Better at making friends. Better at their job. Better at putting an oufit together or styling their hair. I have to be the best at something. I feel worthless without something I know I do well.
It's such a comforting feeling, being lonely and sad. It's something I know so well. It feels okay to fall back into my hole. Not wanting to do anything, or see anyone. Not wanting to go to work. Not caring if you wake up or keep on sleeping. I'm back here again and who even cares? I for one am not in that boat.